


You're Ridiculous

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unresolved Romantic Tension, dream is chaotic as per usual, two dumbasses both need the same thing, what could possibly go wrong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25237633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: That’s it. Darryl has heard that rustling noise for the last time. He turned to confront the thief, freezing the man as he reached to take the carton from out of the middle of his cart.“Why do you keep trying to steal my eggs from my shopping cart?”
Relationships: Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 36
Kudos: 282





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: if either zak or darryl want this fic to be taken down, it'll come down. i wrote this for fun based off their personas in their youtube videos, and remember: dont harass them about the ship
> 
> i debated on posting this for like half an hour bc i wrote it to practice and as a joke but just said 'eh fuck it', so now my first fanfic on this website is a skephalo grocery store au... 
> 
> enjoy

Darryl never had problems with his local grocery store. It was spacious and had all the things he needed in his day-to-day, from basic cleaning supplies to his favorite kind of muffins. Granted, there was that one time he got yelled at by an old lady and nearly cried before running out of the store to sit in his mom’s car, but that was several years ago now. He’d grown past it--even if he sometimes thought about it at 2 am when his insomnia kept him up at night--and hasn’t had a repeat of the incident. That’s beside the point; the point being, of course, that it was an okay grocery store.

So why was some random guy in a teal hoodie glaring at him and trying to steal the last carton of eggs in the store from _his shopping cart??_

When Darryl looks away for even a second, he comes and takes his eggs! He can hear the guy rustling through his groceries and keeps catching him scampering off with the carton. Darryl cannot possibly imagine why someone would be so desperate for a carton of eggs that they’d go so far as to trail someone else around a store for _twenty minutes_ just to fuel a back-and-forth fight where one of them takes the carton from the other when they aren’t paying attention.

That’s it. Darryl has heard that rustling noise for the last time. He turned to confront the thief, freezing the man as he reached to take the carton from out of the middle of his cart. 

“Why do you keep trying to steal my eggs from my shopping cart?” 

The guy blinked up at him, then pointed accusingly. “Your eggs? Those eggs were clearly mine. I’m just taking back what belongs to me!” 

Darryl looked at him incredulously. “What? You haven’t even bought them yet. They can’t possibly be yours.” 

“Well,” the guy hesitated before continuing, “ _I_ called dibs on them. Did _you?_ No.” 

“YOU-” Darryl raised his voice before remembering he was in public. He turned away for a second, running a hand through his hair and unconsciously pulling down the hood around his head.

“What are we, kindergarteners? It’s first-come, first-serve. I got the eggs before you, so they’re currently reserved by me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pay for this.” 

The other guy stepped in front of the cart and, not caring about his surroundings, he started yelling. “Just give up the damn carton already!”

“Language, you muffin! Do you even need them that badly?” 

“Language!” Zak parroted what Darryl said with a more irritating, higher-pitched tone, only to be met with an unimpressed look. “What kind of insult is muffin? And yes, it's very, very important I get these eggs. ” 

Darryl groaned. 

This was going to go on forever. 

“You know what? You’re ridiculous. Just. _Take them,_ if they’re so important.” Darryl hissed, dropping the carton and storming off to the self-checkout, not sparing a glance to the concerned customers who had to witness 2 grown men argue about a carton of eggs. 

\--

“And that’s why it took me nearly an hour to get eggs,” Zak concluded. He cracked one of the said eggs into his mixing bowl, giving Vincent a triumphant grin. 

“So, let me get this straight. You kept stealing this guy’s eggs when _he_ got them first, and wouldn’t leave him alone until he got so frustrated he just gave you _his_ carton.” 

Zak tossed the eggshell into the trash. “Pretty much.” 

Vincent didn’t say anything, which forced Zak to look over at him. His expression communicated his thoughts clearly: _The fuck?_

“Don’t give me that look. I mean, we get to have pancakes now, and he doesn’t!” Zak tipped the bowl of pancake batter in Vincent’s direction for emphasis. 

“That’s an ass move, dude. The guy just wanted to go shopping in peace, and now you won’t even be able to apologize because he’s probably never gonna go to that store again because you harassed him for a _carton of eggs!”_

Zak slowed his mixing for a moment, contemplating the other’s words. Yeah, it was pretty low. He felt kind of guilty now. 

He shook his head. “Who cares? Too late to think about it now.” 

\--

Stupid Vincent, with his stupid morals and looks and making Zak feel bad. He felt ridiculous running around a grocery store with a Tupperware container of pancakes, looking like a mom who lost her kid. Hell, why was he still thinking about his “theft” a week later, after the blonde guy in glasses had probably forgotten all about the argument?

Zak suspected that maybe his friend was right, for once; glasses-guy was probably so traumatized by the invasion of his shopping cart that he vowed to never go back to this store again. Zak had even come back on a Tuesday at 4:13 PM, exactly--Zak assumed; he wasn’t paying too much attention to the time--a week after the incident. Maybe the man was one of those people who didn’t shop regularly and just showed up whenever they needed something?

At this rate, it didn’t matter. He went down each aisle at least 3 times to no avail. Once he hit the far right corner of the store, he just gave up and made his way to the exit. 

Fate seemed to take pity on Zak after having its laugh about how pathetic he looked because _there he was._ He recognized the same hooded guy not too far from where they had their squabble. Zak made his way over. 

\--

Darryl had come back to the grocery store, figuring the weirdo probably wasn’t going to come at the exact time they'd met before; after all, he got what he came for. He had no reason to come back. Darryl, on the other hand, forgot half the things he needed to buy in his haste to get away from the selfish egg thief. 

Darryl could feel his eye subconsciously twitch after hearing a... Very. Specific. _Rustling sound._

“Look, you muffin,” Darryl said mid-turn, knowing who was there already, “you already got what you wanted from me! What more could you possibly w--”

Darryl got cut off when he felt a small plastic container shoved into his arms. He instinctively took hold of it, his voice trailing off slowly in confusion. He turned the box to the side to see what was inside of it.

Pancakes?

The other guy scratched the back of his neck. “Look, I know it was kind of stupid to just take your things out of your cart, so, I made something. From the eggs I took. For you.” 

Wow. Darryl felt a bit silly now, picking a fight when that wasn't what the other guy wanted at all. His voice came out softer than before. “Aw, thank you. It’s not that big of a deal, you really didn’t have to apologize so dramatically.” 

“I didn't apologize, I just.. Wanted to make something to rub my victory in. Shut up and take the stupid pancakes!” The guy hurried away, feeling warmth creep up his neck and not liking it. 

“Wait, don’t leave ye--” Darryl didn’t get to finish his sentence. The guy had already dashed off out of range, the automated doors of the entrance opening to take him away. 

He hadn’t gotten to ask what his name was. Darryl smiled fondly, shook his head, and turned back to the produce.

\--

Vincent felt a yelp forced out of him after a pillow was slammed into his side. He’d been laughing on the couch for 2 minutes straight at this point, long after what was deemed normal.

“You’re so annoying, shut up! It’s your fault I even went looking for him in the first place.” 

Vincent just laughed even harder in response. It took him another hit and a couple of seconds to calm down so he could speak again. “You got into a fight with some guy over a carton of eggs and now you have a crush on him. You are something else, man!” 

“I do _not_ have a crush. F-heck, I don’t even know his name.” 

“Even better, you don't know his name and you still got a crush on him. Well, what does he look like?” 

“He has blonde hair and green eyes, I think. They might’ve been brown? I couldn’t really tell. He wears glasses. Some square ones that make him look like a nerd. Oh, and he wears this hood that makes him look like the grim reaper, with this weird red trim around it.” Zak tried to describe the guy’s appearance nonchalantly, as though he hadn’t been thinking about his stupid face the entire week.

Vincent tilted his head, thinking. “Weell, maybe I know who you’re talking about. He sounds a bit like one of Cl--.” 

Zak, who’d been circling around the couch while describing how the man looked, slammed his hands on the back of the couch Vincent was nestled into, startling his friend into looking up at him.

“I will give you the stars, the sun, and the moon itself for his phone number.” 

“Hmm. I’ll give you his number. In return, though, you owe me a favor later.” 

“Deal!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 unread messages, a few internal conflicts, and a well-timed grocery run lead to an absurd amount of URT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a while to post due to technical difficulties, but here it is. ty for all the positive comments, i appreciate them greatly! i made a handful of tweaks to the fic (changed the rating since there's a bit of swearing and a future scene, added tags, fixed a chapter title) 
> 
> enjoy!

Zak’s miserable muttering was drowned out by the sound of the TV loudly playing a room away. Why was he not surprised? Of _course_ one of his best friends would ask him to do chores for a week as punishment for trying to get some cute idiot’s phone number. Vincent _knows_ he barely manages to find time for both his personal life and his job for some game development studio. He’s never doing any favors again, no matter the rea-- Wait. 

Cute? Zak did a double-take on his internal monologue. The guy was... Semi-attractive, he’d give him that; he wasn’t sure why he described the other as being cute, though. 

A shout cut through Zak’s thoughts. “Zak! Come over here for a second.” 

Zak put down the bottle of cleaner in his hand to go find the source of the voice. He was being treated like an indentured servant, and for what? So that all his texts would be ignored? Zak’s friends were at least sympathetic enough to leave his messages on read. 

“Yes, Vincent?” Came Zak's apathetic reply.

“Wow, which dementor stole _your_ soul?” Vincent laughed. 

“Dementor? I don’t speak baguette. Ughhh, just tell me what you want.”

Vincent squinted at Zak. “Dementor isn’t French, it’s a Harry Potter reference, are you KIDDING--” 

“Shh, shshshsh,” Zak cut in and was met with a sour look, “now what do you want from me!?” 

“Asshole. I have my grocery list somewhere on the kitchen countertop, get whatever is on there. I’ll pay back however much it costs.” 

The thought of that damned store just reminded Zak about the whole reason he was stuck as a maid for the next 6 days. 

Maybe if Zak stared at Vincent's cursive handwriting for long enough, it'd vanish into thin air?

\-- 

Darryl frowned at his phone, scrolling through the recipe’s ingredient list one last time. He was missing some things: semi-sweet chocolate chips and confectioners' sugar. Wasn’t that just powdered sugar? Why complicate it? 

Well, he wasn’t in charge of naming baking ingredients. What he _was_ in charge of was making muffins for the rest of his friends who were all going to meet up at his house for a game night. Technically, he wasn’t forced to make muffins or anything; he just started making them one day and it became a staple. Also, Darryl was slightly worried that if he ever forgot, the rest would substitute the muffins for him--

Right. Confectioners’ sugar and chocolate chips. He didn’t have time to think about his friends possibly committing cannibalism. 

Darryl gave Rat an affectionate pat before heading out to the store. He figured it wouldn’t take too long and he'd have the muffins done before his friends showed up, if all was well. 

\-- 

All was not well. 

Zak squinted at the paper and tried to make out the swirly letters. He could barely understand his own chicken scratch and was this close to just calling Vincent for a translation. But, whatever this stupid list said, it probably wasn’t near the cleaning supplies. Zak absentmindedly pushed the cart along, not really looking at his surroundings. 

“....? Alright, I’ll check there. Thank you!” 

Zak recognized that voice. He walked over and looked to confirm. 

“You.” Zak pointed accusingly.

Glasses-guy turned away from some middle-aged woman who was already starting to walk off after having helped him; he seemed surprised and... Something else.

“Oh, hi! It’s nice to see you aga--” The man stepped back after having a phone abruptly shoved into his face. It showed 6 blue messages sent at varying times 2 days ago. 

\- hi its zak i was the one who took ur eggs  
\- my friend is friends with some guy named clay whos friends with u so thts how i got ur numbwr 

\- idot why r u not replying :(  
\- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

\- were th pancakes good??

\- fine no more pancakes for u >:I

Zak raised a brow and waited for an explanation. 

All he got was an ~~adorable~~ annoying smile and laughter. 

The laughter just irritated Zak even more. “What!? You’re the one who left me on DELIVERED for two days!” 

The other guy’s laughs tapered off. “I’m not laughing at that. You’re such a muffin, you mixed up the middle 3 digits of my number.” 

The hand Zak was using to hold the phone up lowered slightly. How did he respond to his mistake? By being defensive, obviously. “Oh. W-well, this is _your_ fault.” 

“What? Seriously??”

“Absolutely. Your number's too confusing.” 

The guy held up his hands in surrender. “I don't wanna fight you again, so we'll say it’s my fault. I think what matters more is that we introduce ourselves properly. My name is Darryl!” 'Darryl' held out a hand. 

Zak took it, but instead of shaking it, he just held it gently in his own hand and stared at Darryl. Now that he was looking up close, he could definitely tell that the other's eyes were green. “Cool.” 

Darryl shook his hand once and let go at some point, looking away to awkwardly clear his throat. “And you are…?” 

Why did Zak just shut down all of a sudden? He was acting weird for no reason. "Um. I'm Zak!" 

They just stared at each other quietly. Zak reminded himself of what he came to the store for, mostly just so he could find a way to break the almost visible tension between the two.

Zak was suddenly grateful for the stupid grocery list since it gave Darryl an excuse to tag along as a translator for the cursive handwriting; they shared contact information(properly) and learned they had a common interest in gaming. They took some time to make fun of their mutual friends, Zak not forgetting to mention the torture he was/would be put through just to get the other’s phone number. Even after both had paid for their separate groceries, they stood outside the exit with their plastic bags. They learned more about each other in that short amount of time than most would learn in several days of knowing either Zak or Darryl. Their personalities, although different, played off and complimented each other. 

Darryl was reminded that he needed to leave when Zak asked why he’d only bought two things, to which Darryl replied that they were for a muffin recipe, only to realize he should be at home making that recipe. Zak nearly kicked himself in the shin for bringing it up. 

Darryl jokingly--and seemingly out of nowhere--blew Zak a kiss when they'd said their goodbyes, and the latter was left to drive home in stunned silence.

_Were jokes supposed to make you feel like someone stole the air from your lungs?_

\--

Darryl wanted so badly for the driver’s seat of his car to swallow him whole. When did he decide that blowing kisses to silly, charming not-so-strangers was normal!? And why did he find himself wishing he gave the other a real k-- 

_NO._ Muffins. Game night. Was _Zak_ thinking about Darryl that way? Absolutely not, because the other has his own worries, just like him. He needs to focus.

Darryl shut his car with the press of a button and fished his house keys from his pocket. He locked the front door behind himself when he got inside, and slid down to curl up against it.

“I hate him so much. He’s too adorable for his own good.” Darryl put his face into his hands to muffle the last sentence. 

“Hate who?” 

“Holy MUFFIN. _GEORGE?”_ Darryl yelped, getting to his feet so quickly he almost forgot he even sat down in the first place. When he looked over towards the kitchen, he saw Nick and George staring at him curiously.

The two were sitting next to the island with store-bought muffins(so much for trying out a new recipe; was there even a point anymore?) in their hands. For some reason, the oven was open with both of the racks set aside, and from his current angle, he couldn’t tell if the other two had put something in it. 

“You’re late, dumbass! Did you get in a fight and lose? Is that why your face is red and you’re mumbling about how you hate someone? ” Nick said. 

“Language! And no, I just- It’s a long story. Sorry I got distracted!” His face was red?

Nick waved off Darryl's "language". “Well, you might as well tell us about this guy 'cause he kept you busy for 2 hours and thirty minutes, at _least.”_ Oh. Maybe the time Zak and Darryl talked wasn't as short as either of them believed. Darryl still found himself wishing he got distracted for a little longer. 

Darryl had walked over to the other side of the island and started taking out ingredients for the muffins he planned to make(he figured that since he already got the ingredients, he should just make the muffins regardless). “Remember how a while ago I told you about this guy who fought me for a carton of eggs?” He was met with a hum and a nod. 

“Turns out he’s not that bad. His name is Zak and he tried to text me but he typed some digits wrong. He's such a muffin. We talked for a while and got to know each other; he plays Minecraft and brought up something about being a server owner like me? And the reason he knew my phone number was because he’s friends with Vincent.” 

Two confused looks. 

“A6D.” Darryl supplied for Nick and George, who were able to recognize the screen name from when Clay brought him up in conversation. Speaking of, where _was_ Clay? 

Darryl would’ve also gone on to talk about how Zak has a really sweet smile, his hobbies, favorite things, his birthday--which was coming up soon--, his hopes and dreams, but he was cut off by something reminiscent of a tea-kettle. 

Darryl turned to his right to see Clay curled up in the oven, dying of laughter and shaking. 

“So you,” Clay wheezed, “you were late because you were on a grocery store date with your boyfriend. _Simp!”_

Darryl threw a chocolate chip at Clay and refused to respond to Nick and George’s laughter because he’d rather move to the Nether IRL than admit he liked the thought of calling Zak his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah someone needs to hit the brakes this ship is moving way too fast.... 
> 
> btw just for clarification, nobody in the trio (a6d, skeppy, bbh) has a yt channel for the sake of au; bbh sticks with the dream team(gnf, sapnap, dream) who all have their channels, and a6d knows them through dream 
> 
> idk it made sense when i first thought this whole fic up so thats what im going with
> 
> if u have any feedback dont be afraid to share it!

**Author's Note:**

> like i said this is my first fic so by no means is it good LOL 
> 
> ty for reading this all the way through despite the ridiculousness of it... if u have any feedback dont be afraid to yell at me


End file.
